Maria,
You know the true sign of a hard heart, is one that does not know it, or care. The fact you wrote in, and that you are broken over it shows me that you care very much and also know about the truth of the Gospel, that we can NOT save ourselves. We all are rotten reprobates! Everyone of us. THere is NONE righteous apart from the work of the Holy Spirit, convicting us to trust in the Jesus Christ died for all the sinners in the world, and that we , through Him can be born again , none of us would be saved.
You are no worse than any of us. We are all pretty good at sinning, because at the moment we do , or think,or wahtever, it feels pretty good, and that is hard to resist. It is only later, we wished we had not, because of those chains that so sneakily slip on and won't let go.
Praise God for you! You know much and are a treasure to God. He has already saved you, you just need to accept that.Ask Him to come into your heart. He is a gentleman and asks us to allow him in. He asks sweetly. Grace is a tough thing to accept sometimes.
" Lord, I thank you for Maria and the loving thoughts, and the great plans you have for her. Touch her spirit in a way that she knows that you freely give her YOURself. I ask you to redeem her life fully , and that she know that she belongs to you.
Free her from the chains of the past, and allow her to be the woman she wants, longs to be.
Thank you Jesus for doing the work and paying already for all the sins of the world. I thank you that Maria accepts this for herself, and invited you into her heart, to be her Good Master, and best friend. You will do the changing as you walk along.
In Jesus Name,
Amen