prayer it

i have prayed and cried and cried and prayed over my relationship with my ex boyfriend to be restored...it's been going on for almost 3 months now. i was so fearful that it wouldn't happen. i couldn't let go and let God.

sunday before going into church, i broke down in tears yet again, unable to even catch my breath. i asked for reconciliation and for God to guide me. "please God! tell me what you want me to do and i'll do anything!"

i cleaned my face up and went into church. while listening to the gospel reading, i kept having these memories of a former friend from a couple of years ago and a dispute we had. i couldn't shake them. i admit that i was not a good friend to her which is why we no longer speak. for a long time, i tried to justify my actions by recalling things she did or said that led me to think she "deserved it" but when it came down to it, it doesn't matter what i thought she deserved....it wasn't my place to give out a punishment. deep down i was ashamed of how i gave into selfishness, and i never apologized.

i guess i always thought that since i was really sorry and God knew it then that was enough, but somehow, for me, it wasn't.

so what was God telling me to do?? ask forgiveness from HER...from the girl i'd hurt. i was terrified to do so, but i knew it would feel better somehow. on my way home i practiced everything i would say...the words just kept coming. as soon as i got home, i sat down and wrote her a long email as i don't have her number anymore and if i called she may not give me a chance to speak. i read and re-read it, then hit that send button. and just as soon as i did, a thousand pounds of weight left my heart right then. she has not responded and that's okay because she knows i am sorry.

since then, people i have not spoken with in years have contacted me and said the most wonderful things, and since asking for that forgiveness my fear of my relationship not being reconciled has gone away. i now have no fear that it will happen! that one thing...that one action kept me from letting my faith completely fill my heart...that one thing was what was keeping me from handing it over to God. once i got rid of that weight, i honestly feel like i opened a window and let the light in. praise GOD for that freedom!!! praise God for that forgiveness!! now, bring on the reconciliation!!!;-)

p.s. i am still praying for it...i know God wants me to, so i hope that you will too!

the photo attached is actually one of my drawings. i thought it was appropriate to share because it reminded me of this situation...all of the fear and worry and bad things leaving my body from simply asking forgiveness. it's called "the breathe".

Prayer request made golden: Tue Nov 25 23:46:52 +0000 2008

  1. forgiveness
  2. Reconciliation
  3. Love
  4. blessings


mrjt  Tue Nov 25 23:45:30 +0000 2008
Honestly, I thought that was an extroadinary testimony! It hits right on point with why the body of christ in general is so ineffective prayer wise: unforgivenss. God has shown me this in my own life, even concerning relationships as far back as 20 years ago. Unforgiveness hinders the effectiveness of God's power operating in our lives. How is this dangerous? Simple. We sometimes don't have all the power necessary to get us beyond something the devil has brought against us. We might think we are just waiting on God, but when it comes to forgiving someone, God is always waiting on us. As you implied, it takes faith to move the power of God. But faith is limited where there is no forgiveness.However, once we forgive, power flows again. We then have full access to all of the resources in the kingdom of God we need to overcome the devil.

Thanks, Cmarie, for sharing this. It takes a certain amount of courage to lay out your pain on the table for all of us to see and feel. It takes sincerity too. Thanks a lot. This will help lots of people.

Love you much!

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angie  Wed Nov 26 11:51:15 +0000 2008

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claudiajayne  Wed Nov 26 11:55:12 +0000 2008
I have learned a similar lesson. Hate and strife occupy too much room in your heart and you must let it go in order to allow all the love in. I have also learned that it works out SO much better in the long run if you just do what God tells you to do -- even if it is temporarily painfull. God has given you a great gift of understanding. And Talent!! That picture is beautiful.

God bless you.
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angie  Wed Nov 26 12:09:30 +0000 2008
thank you so much my friend,we have never meet but i feel close to you,you are so right i like you have lots of pain,you see before chris i was married for ten years we had a marriage other people envied we complemented each other what he lacked i filled and what i lacked he filled 7 years into our marriage he had an affair and the woman he had the affair with was married too she introduced my husband to meth,i fought hard to get him back,but i never let him forget what he had done for 3 years,a fire burned in me that one day i would make him hurt like i had hurt i told him he no longer had claim to me as a wife and i told myself when i got the chance i would cheat on him as well,the chance came when i started working part time at a adult bookstore it is where i meet jason i carried on the affair for 3months and during that time i meet chris,so i was married,and having two affairs at the same time,i was so lost,i thought i loved jason and eventually divorced my husband and moved out when i did jason broke it off partly because of chris,so when jason did break my heart i ran to chris i was single for about 6 weeks before i had chris move in with me and for 2 years chris never let me forget about jason he would always throw him up to me in fights and i would say to him yes i am only with you because jason broke my heart,i admit to my wrong doing,but i never thought it would lead to this,i have been on a rollercoaster of emotions for about 5 years now,when i look back on it no wonder my life was so messed up, i was also a practicing pagan,i was running so hard and fast from GOD,then i hit rock bottom and MY LORD was there,he watched and waited for me patiently thru all that and now it is my turn to wait on him,i never want to be away from MY LORD again i can not make it without him,im sorry i dont know why i've said all this but some how i feel better,maybe it is time for me to be with the one that has always loved me and trust in him to take care of me,i need so desperately to be healed and GOD is the only one that can do that for me,im tired of hurting im tired of running,i just want to fall into GODS embrace and rest,please pray for me that i can do so,you make it sound so easy,i want that too,thank you my friend,and GOD BLESS YOU! by the way im an artist too i like your drawing its very calming

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jrs1967  Wed Nov 26 14:01:39 +0000 2008

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jrs1967  Wed Nov 26 14:05:43 +0000 2008
Amen, I understand, the unforgivness and bitterness God showed me in July was overwhelming! But as I surrendered each person to the Lord I was free! I have sent emails and made phone calls to those I can, some will not have contact with me and that is ok, I gave it ALL to God, Not some BUT ALL! Now I am free! I am here as if I have never sinned! I was praying this morning that I would never see that man I once knew in the mirror ever again! God will bless you for your commitment and standing. Amen Sister! God is Good!

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barry  Sat Nov 29 14:02:22 +0000 2008
i am going through much the same in my relationship, and what i prayer for several times a day. hoping to be together again. i am praying for you with tears running freeing. it hurts so much. B

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Submitted by cmarie from United States

About cmarie
**update: one book that has changed my life has been "the wisdom of florence scovel shinn". this book has helped me to understand The Word, better. i've learned how to show my faith in God...i neve...

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