Danielle,
I am praying for you. I know these last six months have been very difficult for you. I know God loves you very much and His Spirit will show you what you are to do, and what He wants to do through you. I was thinking about the Serenity prayer that goes:
Lord,
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardship
as a pathway to peace,
taking as Jesus did
this sinful world as it is ,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will
So that I
may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You
forever in the next.
Amen
I know this time is scary and you are doing the best you can to field through some land mines. God has a purpose in this situation that You may not be able to perceive now.
Things do not always turn out the way we think they should , but God is working in them to conform us to His image and that work is not always pleasant in the moments we experience them.
God intentions are always good. We can trust Him fully knowing that He who began the good work inside us never leaves us half- done, or defenseless.
We often think we must know what is happening in order to relax, but we are never ever going to have all the information to trust in the natural.
You have faced many painful trials in your life and God is not about to drop you now. But, His ways are not ours and if we don't trust Him we make things much worse for ourselves than they need be.
It is kind of like the feeling when we are drowning- the natural instinct is to panic and flail around. I have it heard it say that often rescuers will wait until the person is so tired they can not fight anymore, and then they attempt to rescue. Otherwise the person will drown both of them. We can't float unless we trust the water can hold us up, and relax into it.
God sees everything going on. Do You trust He knows the best thing for Danielle? Do you trust that He is , in all things, He wants what is very best for you? It is true that we often do not like the circumstances.
The One who is really in control here is on YOUR side, however it looks, and however it turns out.
There is a great Christian support group called Celebrate recovery in many churches and I suggest you might want to find one near you.
It is for everyone- who is a human being who has issues( which is ALL) of us.
I love you and know this will be one of those memories you are making with God- which you will look back on with fondness knowing that HE who called you is faithful and will do it- everything He promised and more. I know He is building closeness and intimacy with His Danielle, in a way that if this had not happened would not be there.
Hold on, and let go.
Love,
Rami